When something goes wrong, it’s easy to get sucked into a self created vortex of negativity. Complaining to any and everyone who provides a sympathetic ear. This type of behavior allows a small situation to spiral out of control. Moving from a negative headspace to a positive one takes a few simple steps that requires a willingness to have an honest and authentic conversation with self. The self-talk is based on a method of intrinsic questions that are designed to quickly and efficiently get people into a new and positive headspace under their own steam. And provide tools to stay there. The questions are created around the following 8 tips/concepts listed below.
- Being open to having an authentic and intrinsic conversation with self
- Validation of your feelings
- Keeping your feelings your own: Ownership
- Letting go of controlling other people’s feelings and their conversation
- Knowing what you want
- Clarity and organization around what you want
- The importance of asking the right questions and creating the right kind of self-talk
- Create a plan to get what you want along coping positive mechanism for future events that have the potential to spiral out of control
1) Make the conscious choice to say “yes” I am willing to explore other ways of dealing with situations that quickly overwhelm me and throw me into a negative tail spin, by being honest and authentic. “What does it look like or feel like to find another way for dealing with your life situation in a more positive way?”
2) Validate your feelings. Don’t apologize to yourself or to others for how you feel. Acknowledge to yourself you have a right to feel the way in which you do, even if others disagree. “As you acknowledge how you are feeling, is there anything else that comes up for you regarding this particular situation?”
3) Own your feelings. Own 100% of how you feel. And let go of trying to control how others should feel and respond. This isn’t about condoning or condemning the players and or the situation. This dynamic, when embraced, creates a vehicle for self empowerment, which starts at the point of conscious ownership. This establishes the foundational building blocks for a positive attitude to come into being. “What are you wanting to do with your feelings?”
4) Once you’ve own your feelings you can now begin the process of taking control of what you want to do with them. This creates the movement needed to take someone from a negative headspace into a positive one. “What are you wanting for yourself in this moment regarding (you fill in the blank)?
5) When it’s been established, what you are really wanting, it’s important to make sure there is nothing else lurking under the surface that will sabotage this new positive headspace you are moving into. “Is there more that you are seeing?”
6) Get clarity surround what the “wanting” is. This achieved by asking a series of five intrinsic questions, that are designed to totally engage all the senses; feeling, hearing, seeing, tasting and smelling. Once all senses are engaged people invest in their process.
7) It’s important to ask the right questions. And as life is an inside job, the most powerful answers we have for our lives really do come from within. Therefore the questions that MUST be asked have to be intrinsic and not extrinsic.
8) Create a workable plan of action to deal with current situations, along with creating an implementable coping mechanism for future events.
Take your time…and remember complain is energy that could be spent creating a solution.
You contact Dr Wendy at firstname.lastname@example.org or on 702.425.8589