One of the most oppressive things that you can do to yourself is own someone else’s crap! And this is what you may find yourself doing on a regular basis; by trying to fix other people’s crappy life situations. And as a result you wind up in part ownership of the negativity that is going on in their lives. For a variety of reasons you may do this, but the main one is that we all think, based on our past experiences, wisdom, knowledge, skill etc that we can fix it. That is fix whatever has gone wrong with the “fixee’s” life.
The irony here is that I can’t, you can’t, we can’t. You cannot fix a single thing pertaining to someone else. They have to “fix it” for themselves. Good God, most of us are challenged with straightening our own lives out. So how in the heck did you arrive at the conclusion that you could “fix” someone else’s life? Don’t get it twisted, that just because someone, a.k.a “fixee” has accepted advice or something more tangible like money, that you have fixed them. No you didn’t! You presented them with an option or options to choose from. That’s all you did. They have to select and act on anything that you share with them.
People have the need to be heard. If you are in possession of empathetic listening skills, people will beat a path to your door way, cell phone, iPod, email, Facebook page, twitter, hangout etc to get to you. And get to you they will! If you find yourself snowed under with other people’s problems and you’re forever sighing deeply wondering, “How did I get here? I don’t want to hear this crap…again!” The answer is simple: You have chosen to be all up in someone else’s Kool-Aid. You and I both know that while the good is going, it’s great. As far as the “fixee” is concerned you are the best thing since Starbucks’s mocha caramel latte. But let any piece of advice you gave so lovingly, not bear the desired fruit that the “fixee” wanted, your name is now crud. And of course, it now becomes all your fault, why their life is in the crapper.
As a choice expert, I know that it doesn’t have to be that way. Why? Because everyone has the answers to the questions and solutions to their problems within. Sounds a bit like woo woo to you? It’s not. It happens to be a scientific fact. And you can prove this yourself. The fix is within the “fixee” identifying what they want and not lamenting on what has happened. It’s all in the ability to focus on the future never looking at the past for the solution. So the next time you find yourself trying to fix someone’s problems, find out what they are really wanting. By doing this you won’t have to do a thing, other than just be there for them, to mirror back what they are saying to you and support them while they fix their own life.