There are things that have occurred in everyone’s life that are perceived and received as negative. These things have changed who you are, the trajectory of your life, and fundamentally how you think and feel about yourself.  As a result, you hold on to people, places and things, to situations that are best let go.  Most people know what they need to let go of, yet they struggle with how to accomplish this. Here are a few insights on how you can make that happen.

One afternoon, I was having a moan, groan, switch and twitch fest about a situation that had occur that I was having difficulty wrapping my head around.  As inner conversations are apt to do, it took me off on tangents and down rabbit holes that plunged me into past experiences best left forgotten.  In short, I created a place of negativity, which was achieved by me becoming a self-made victim of the situation that I created.

My Mum, God Bless her, on that day was the unwitting recipient who was participating in my dramatic, hate filled, negative, out pouring, woe is me monolog.  My outpouring wasn’t directed at Mummzie at all.   Nor did it have anything to do with her, other than her being an available ear to listen to me rant and rave.

At some point during my monolog, I took a much needed breath.  And faster than lightening, using her Mummy Dearest tone of voice, which as a grown woman still has the ability to stop me in my tracks, and render me looking somewhat like a deer in the headlights, she called me by my full name.

Crap!   She now had my full attention, with my mouth clamped shut, even though all I wanted to do was to keep venting.   Mum simply, quietly and rather unemotionally asked me, “Wendy, can you change any of this?  Can you change anything that has happened?  Can you change anything that has already taken place? “

Like a balloon that had been unexpectedly deflated, I responded quietly, “no Mum.   I can’t change anything that has already happened.”

My Mum looked at me intensely for a hot second, and then quietly stated, “then don’t waste your time on it.  Spend your time, with it, but don’t waste your time on it and create what you want in life.  And then let the rest go.  Use everything that has happened to you for your betterment.   Ya understand me?”

That afternoon in my breakfast nook, I had an ah ha moment.  And that realization, which was seared into my conscious and subconscious mind has served me well as I move forward in my life. 

For me, figuring out the way in which my past experiences can support me in moving forward is easy for me.  Very easy.  In fact, it’s intrinsic to me.  However, the letting go piece of this equation has been one of my biggest challenges in life.  I realized that I was very attached to my victimology.  It was my story.  And who would I be if I changed my narrative?  Who am I if I didn’t have MY story!?

Our stories, no matter how painful, hurtful, negative or uncomfortable, create a sort of bizarre safe place.  Right, wrong or indifferent, it’s what we know about ourselves, and that makes it a safe place to be.  I had to stop being a victim of my self-made victimology.  So many of us live our lives as righteous, indignant victims of our victimology.  And just to be clear, it’s a victimology that we created in the first place, by the choices that we made.  Our experiences in life are an effect that has been driven by a cause.

 And with no judgement here.  This isn’t about right or wrong or casting blame and or aspersions.  It simply means that the cause is always predicated on something that you have chosen to do.  And as you experience the manifestation of that choice, or the cause, you will experience the effect.

I had to take control of what I could take control of in my life.  With the aid of meditation, affirmations, moving visualization from my desired end, I began a process of using Metaphysical Principles known as God’s Law, Spiritual Laws, Universal Laws or whatever you choose to call them.  Some call it the Law of Attraction.

And yes.  For all who are familiar with my work, ya kinda know where I’m going with this. To take control of my victimology, to take my life back, I had to first take ownership, accountability and responsibility for my choices.  And take ownership, accountability, and responsibility for the outcome of those choices. 

Cause and effect.  Action and reaction.   Taking control of my victimology and how I chose to use it wasn’t about giving lip service or placating self.  There are some things that have happened in my life that I feel are wrong, and will always be wrong.  And yet, by taking total ownership, accountability and responsibility for those things happening, they no longer control me emotionally, physically and mentally.  And the same will apply to you.   Once again, taking ownership, accountability and responsibility doesn’t mean you condone other people’s bad heinous, wicked negative, and hateful behaviors.  It means that you control your reactions to them.

For clarity, controlling your reaction to a situation doesn’t mean stifling, ignoring, pretending or locking down your emotional response.  In truth that’s impossible and has the potential to create a whole other bottomless pit for you to fall into.  What this means is that you are now in the position to choose how you then react or respond to those emotions.  At the end of the day, emotions literally tell you if you like something or if you don’t, and if you’re in tune with self, you’ll be able to discern the reason why.

The second realization I had was that I must forgive myself.  I had to learn how to forgive myself first, so I knew what forgiveness felt like, sounded like, and looked like even tasted or smelt like.  Because without that conscious and subconscious knowing and understanding, I was only paying expensive spiritual lip service to forgiveness.  

Once I identify those emotions within me, I was able to honestly forgive myself for the choice or cause or action I had taken, and then forgive all others I associated with the effect and or reaction.  And what’s so freeing with this type of forgiveness is that there are no strings that bind in this process.   The only entanglement is that we all thrive, and live and experience our best lives.

I then gave thanks for the experience, and what it brought into my life.  With that I had to put aside my emotional outpourings.  No!  I didn’t like what I felt was done to me.  However, I must look at what it has done FOR me.  Understand the nuance between something being done to you, and something being done for you.   I can then use gratitude to its fullest power.  I am now grateful for the fact that this situation has allowed me to grow, and become a better evolving version of myself.  Gratitude is much like the universal solvent of the world, which is water.  When used authentically and correctly it can neutralize and harmonize most situations.  

The letting go process I shared above, was created with direction from my Higher Self, and it worked well.  Or at least those were my initial thoughts.  However, there were little unexpected, explosive relapses here and there.   Ya know the kind of things that have you perplexed and thinking, “Wait! What!  Umm.  I thought I was over and done with that portion of my life!  Where did that come from?” 

I realized within my process I had created a space.  I had created a void or a vacuum. And as Aristotle said, “nature abhors a vacuum.”   While physicists debate, with the intention of debunking the truth of that theory, I know that energy moves into form and out of form, and needs a space, a void or vacuum to do so.  Change cannot take place without you first creating a space for it to come into being.  Ergos the Universal Law of Space.

One of the major contributing elements to the Universal Law of Space is that any space created must be filled.  And if you don’t consciously fill it with the strong desire and belief for something new, the old will come back and reclaim its spot.  And not only that, it becomes more tenacious.

So, within this process I learnt that letting go of people, places, and things to change my victimology isn’t only about taking ownership, accountability and responsibility.  It isn’t just about forgiveness, and gratitude.  It isn’t even about me and the situation that I caused by the choices I made.  Or what the outcome was teaching me or doing for my evolving growth.    It doesn’t mean a thing, that by virtue of all the meditations, affirmations and spiritual work undertaken that the creation of space came into form.  All of that means nothing.   Absolutely nothing, if you, if I, if we do not consciously…and I’ll give a little here, and unconsciously fill that space made for you by you, with something that you want to manifest.    Something that you want to manifest into your life, NOW.    

And so, I’ve come full circle.  For those of you who know my work, you know exactly where I’m going.  I’ve returned us to my golden question, the most powerful intrinsic question you can ask yourself; “what are you wanting for your life in this moment?  What are you wanting just for you?”  Once you’ve answered that question, the relief of truly letting unwanted situations go, which include people places and things, and being able to move forward unencumbered, to manifest your new desire begins. 

Now you’ve answered the question you need to paint yourself a picture by engaging all your senses around this wanting.  You must choose to invoke the Universal Law of Imagination.   Choose to step into that realm and make a moving visualization of the thing that you desire.   You must know without a doubt what it feels like.  What it looks like.  What it sounds like.  What it smells like.  What it tastes like.  What does it feel like to believe that it is yours?  What’s your intuition saying?  And what does saying thank you for this manifestation feel like, sound like, look like to you?  What does gratitude feel like to you?  Use your imagination to paint the Creator a living moving vision of what you want.

The last piece of the puzzle regarding the Universal Law of Space gave me the entire process of letting go and changing my victimology.  Choosing to change from victim to being a victor by a process of letting go and replacing what I don’t want with what I do want. 

Is it easy?  That depends on how ticked I am about the situation.   In full disclosure, I give myself permission to be angry, sad, cry, frustrated, mean, resentful or have a full-blown adult tantrum or a knockdown drag out etc.  Be under no illusion, I can and I will, sometimes, go there.  However, I know that all of that emotional outpouring is simply telling me something I already know.  It’s telling me in no uncertain terms that I don’t like what is happening to me.  And now I need to flip the script on this situation, and make it work FOR me. I need to let it go so I can continue to evolve into the next version of me.