What Is A Soulmate?


Major thrills, chills and heady excitement, that at times can feel almost overwhelming is what many men and women experience at the inception of a new relationship. They are both on a heightened sense of alert and stimulate the body to create a mind blowing cocktail of dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine, mixed with surges of adrenaline and testosterone.  This literally produces the physical response of chills or at the very least butterflies in the stomach. Added to this both men and women are earnestly looking for the answer to that age-old question, “could this be the one?  Is this my “soulmate?”

The general view of a “soulmate” is an intimate, loving relationship or partnership, in which two people are bonded by a deep connection that seems to defy any logical explanation.  There is a simple rightness about being together, because both hold the same values and ideals about life. And both consciously exhibit a deep authentic understanding and working insight of their partner that borders on, profound.  And as a result they both show up as supportive and give totally and generously of self within the relationship. Many people feel cherished, loved, understood and above all, free to be themselves within the relationship without the fear of rejection.   He really gets me.  She really gets me…and holding hands they walk into the setting sun.  That is wonderful, and many people have experienced this.

However, in my years as a spiritual counselor and relationship coach, I have cautioned many of my clients, who have gone through the traumas of divorce and breakups to expand their conceptual and generalized view of what a “soulmate” is.  We play the “what if” game.  “What if the greatest gift your “soulmate”  could give to you was growth: Personal and spiritual growth and development?”  What would you want in a “soulmate” then?  What if cupcakes and rainbows or walking hand in hand into the setting sun didn’t support your soul in stretching, what then?

Life is about choices, growth and developing self.  Subconsciously, we know what it is that we are born to do, so consciously; we will set out to establish parameters to help us to achieve that goal.  We have created a support system to assist us in doing that.  And what that means is that a “soulmate” isn’t always about creating the warm and fuzzies that we yearn for within a relationship whether intimate, familial, platonic or otherwise.   A “soulmate” is the person who has agreed to support someone in getting the maximum growth and development possible within the span of time that they are together.  This may be for life or this may be, but a season in life.

Humans learn in a variety of ways.  However, at the top of the list, whether physical or emotional, is pain.  This translates to the relationship from hell that is now defunct, you know the one that traumatized you to the point of saying and meaning, never again.  Well the person involved was your “soulmate.”  I personally guarantee using a new view finder lens as your perspective when looking at your situation; you will see that you have grown by quantum leaps.  You will see that you had the strength to get through it all and the wherewithal to build a life that you want to live.

When you are confronted with the next relationship that breaks down, remember from a spiritual standpoint, the sole reason for a “soulmate” in your life and you in theirs, is to create and present opportunities for personal and spiritual growth.

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